The opportunity, for myself, to go to Zimbabwe on a mission trip means everything to me. Growing up, my life was filled with turmoil, strife, abuse, confusion, you name it. My late teens/early 20's were filled with substance abuse, sexual promiscuity, and debauchery. By grace, I found Celebration church and was able to receive and understand fundamental truths to walking with Jesus. Those truths helped me break free from guilt, shame, and condemnation.
I wish I could say that having these positive revelations happened overnight; however, years of wrong thinking had to be reversed.
My life began in Balboa Naval Hospital in San Diego, California. Not much is remembered about my early life on the west coast. We moved to Orlando, Florida. Then to the land of the rising sun: Japan – Misawa, to be exact. Being raised in a military home, my parents weren’t always emotionally available. I was in gifted classes at an early age. There weren’t too many black children in gifted classes. That being said, I wasn’t always accepted by most black kids. I really wasn’t fully accepted by non-black kids either – because I wasn’t of their race. The feeling I had growing up was always that of ‘being in the middle’.
My brother is five years older than I am and is my only sibling. We never really got along in our adolescent years. Ever. Being a “Navy brat” I was always provided for but suffered sexual abuse growing up by a non-immediate family member. A genius mind, abuse, isolation, and no outlet made growing up bewildering.
Being raised in a military family has its ups and downs. You get to see the world, at the cost of moving every three years. Always being the new kid got annoying, played out, and downright brutal. Moving to a new school and having to put your ‘best face forward’ was just part of the package of being a military kid. I guess I learned how to be a good actor at an early age. Being a ‘yes man’ and always pleasing people became a trade that I mastered. Humor became a great defense.
When my dad finally retired from the military in Jacksonville, I relished in the opportunity to finally make friends. However, since I never really had friends I just kept the same routine of pleasing everybody and being everybody’s friend. Show me the social circle and I could infiltrate it somehow. I was ‘Mr. Everybody’.
That social position totally backfired on me in my college years. The shadow of my childhood abuse seemed to rear its ugly head around that time. Plus, there were family and love derailments that got ‘Mr. Everybody’ mixed with the wrong crowd. Sex, drugs, and alcohol became my good friends during that time in my life. Those temporary pleasures seemed to numb my guilt, shame, and condemnation of a train wreck that my life became. Blaming the man in the mirror for controllable and uncontrollable failures seemed to be my mantra.
Mind you, from the time that my family lived in Jacksonville, we went to church. By the time my life was in this downward spiral I was already attending a second church from the traditional Southern Baptist church that my parents joined to a more radical (majority black) Non-denominational church. I learned the importance of tithing and was taught about spiritual warefare. My life at its worst time was very ‘hokie-pokie’: one foot in the church and one foot in the clubs. I was passionate about both but didn’t belong to either affiliation. A boat without a rudder. A sheep without a shepherd. Spinning out of control.
Through providential circumstances I
was introduced to Celebration Church.
“The truth will set you free” – John 8:32
Through Celebration Church I
learned fundamental truths to the Christian faith that have given me a brand
new lease on life. Mentally. Physically. Spiritually. The urge to stop living
for myself began to grow in me and I began serving in the church. In 2010, I
had the life-changing opportunity to go to Haiti. Everything changed in my
life. All the excuses, all of the blaming myself, and all of the negativity
that I was holding on to began to dissolve away. Seeing impoverished Haitians living in tents and mud huts was staggering. There were more amputees in a 10 mile radius (due to the earthquake) than I have ever seen in my whole life. It really does take getting outside of your own life to be able to see the big picture. That doesn’t mean living in denial of your own personal issues. Rather, breaking the cycle of hurt, giving up luxuries to spread love, and helping those whose lives instantly manage to help you appreciate and accept your difficulties.
Revelations 12:11 says that you will
overcome in life by the blood of the Lamb and the word of your testimony. That
simply means accepting Jesus, His sacrifice, and including Him in your life’s
story.
The trip to Zimbabwe will be huge
for me. My parents were there for all that I have mentioned above about my life
going downhill. However, they didn’t know about the abuse and all of the
emotional factors that lead me down that path. My plan is to write them a
letter and mail it to them before the trip explaining the ‘why behind the what’. That alone will give me closure with my
family as our relationship rifted apart over the years and they never knew why.
Feeding nearly 10,000 orphans and helping the local church will be above and
beyond blessings for me. Overly ambitious by nature, I put my name in the hat for this trip back in January. After experiencing such a transformational trip to Fond Parisien, Haiti, I caught the missionary bug again and wanted to go to ‘the Motherland’. The cost of going on this trip is in the $4000 range. My childlike faith is what has driven me this whole year – and what a year it has been. God has definitely tested my faith to the max. Doors, in the form of jobs, have opened and closed. I type this blog post, sober, celibate, and drug free. To me, those three attributes are MAJOR BREAKTHROUGHS for me in my life!
It has taken me nearly 20 years and the grace of God for me to have the confidence to share my life’s story from a victory perspective. I can finally look in the mirror and like the man that I see. Being next to broke this entire year has made me fully dependent on God and his provision to go on this trip. Legitimate friendships have been made. I have brothers that I can share my deepest and most dark secrets with who love and pray for me without judgment. My church family has accepted me dearly and that ‘in the middle’ feeling that I have always felt is being used for God’s glory.
1 Corinthians 9:19-23 - Though I am free and belong to no one,
I have made myself a slave to
everyone, to win as many as possible.
To the Jews I became like a Jew,
to win the Jews.
To those under the law I became
like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win
those under the law.
To those not having the law I
became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am
under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law.
To the weak I became weak, to win
the weak.
I have become all things to all
people so that by all possible means I might save some.
I do all this for the sake of the
gospel, that I may share in its blessings.
I
am about $1000 shy of my fundraising goal and really need your help. ANY SIZE DONATION helps. Below is a link to
my PayPal where you can send a donation or tax-deductible gift of a check
payable to Celebration Church of Jacksonville with Reggie Taylor/ 6236-48 in
the memo: 10302 Deerwood Park Blvd Jacksonville, FL 32256.
Here is a video that I put together from
my time in Haiti:
I believe that this trip to
Zimbabwe and the lessons that I have been learning leading up to departure will
give me new revelation of self and more importantly of God Himself!
Now
to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we
ask
or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him by the
glory
in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever!
Ephesians
3:20
God Bless,
Reg
No comments:
Post a Comment